how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i dont even know how to be here
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We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
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I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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