what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
