I will die if light touches me.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
