i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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