i barfeds in our rink
We named our party play list daddy issues
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
