My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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