Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
