I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
