Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
