so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it hurts more in the daytime
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
