I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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