Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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