Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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