Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
