I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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