OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
