She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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