kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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