If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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