I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
