You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
