all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
