We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just blew my weed a kiss
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
