found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
