Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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