last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
