what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
