he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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