True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
