he told me I talked like a deaf person
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
