they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
