so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
