Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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