So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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