she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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