hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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