Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
don't judge my taste in strippers
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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