what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Randomize
