his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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