Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
