There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
