The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
