I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
