You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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