i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
