I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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