butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
