1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i came on her dog
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
