carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
