this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
