he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
