Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
