***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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