I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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