Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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