and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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