I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
