There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
