He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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