I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
