cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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