this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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