i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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