My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
