Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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