I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
