Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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