Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
if only i could text you this smell
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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