So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize