dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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