no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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