So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
