If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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