i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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