Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
